A few years ago, March 2019, I was in a really tough situation. I had been an asylum seeker for around 5 years with no hope for my refugee case to go anywhere. South Africa is a very complicated country, politically speaking, it wasn't anything personal towards my case. Accepting the danger that I was going to put myself in, I decided to leave South Africa and go back home to get a passport and hopefully start over somewhere else.
I packed up my life and told all my friends that I am leaving the country and not sure if I will ever be able to come back. It was a difficult time for me and my friends, but it was particularly difficult for my best friend. We had a very codependent relationship, we were very close and did everything together. The only time that we didn't spend together was time we spent at work. He took it very hard, he cried that day I told him. That was the first time I ever saw him crying. It was a really difficult reality that we both had to accept.
The night before I left the country, I invited all my friends for a dinner night for one last time. My best friend messaged me saying he was going to be late, a few hours later and he didn't show up. I was furious. I felt betrayed and disrespected by my friend. How could he miss my last night in South Africa? I stopped replying to his apology messages that night, I was getting ready for my flight the next day. He kept messaging me and calling me in the morning, but I felt so hurt that I was prepared to leave the country without speaking to him. In the spur of the moment I decided to put my pride aside, I decided to forgive him and go see him before my flight. We had coffee and he insisted to drive me to the airport and be the last person I see before I left.
I am so glad that I let him. I am so grateful that I was able to hug him one more time. I will never forget that moment when we were hugging, what he was wearing, the weather, where we were standing. I've memorized every single detail of that moment. A few weeks after I left, my best friend had passed. I don't think that I would ever be able to forgive myself if I didn't forgive him in that moment. My life would look incredibly different if I didn't go see him one last time. I truly believe that I wouldn't be the person that I am today if I didn't do that. I realize now that maybe it was too difficult for him to show up that night - maybe he felt like it was too overwhelming emotionally. I guess I will never know why he couldn't make it, but I am so happy that he knows that I forgive him and I love him. I made this artwork to honour this memory. Our friendship is my biggest source of inspiration in life.
memory of a friend, 22x16 inch, ceramics and soft pastels on paper, June 2024.